Zooass Bizarre Bazaar

These items date back to the days when were eating dog food to survive and are no longer for sale. Instead of creating trinkets and selling off our bodily excretions, we are now working on retarded games and the like. But read on dear ZooFan, they just might get a chuckle out of you!
	Baby Zooass (Sold to the highest bidder at $3.00!) - Act fast! One of a kind! Now the infamous Baby Zooass can be yours to cherish for many years to come. This magical doll will provide an endless supply of good luck to its owner. Some even say it has the power to cure diarrhea! Hand signed by the Zooass collective.
	*Baby Creepy (2 units sold: 1 for $18, 1 for a hummer)** - The spawn of Satan! 100% pure evil! The ultimate killing machine! What more can you ask for? Now you can take home one of the darkest beings in the universe for but the price of an industrial enema bladder. The creature who singlehandedly wiped the Smurfs off the face of the planet in the ultimate bloody massacre is ready to do your bidding. Just be careful not to cross this possessed doll or your next breath might be your last! *No joke! FS actually got a blowjob in exchange for a stupid doll! There's hope for us yet!
	*Anything on an 8-track ($2.50 + $1.50 shipping)** - Break out that old 8-track player it's time to get down! Thanks to the newly renovated Zooass 8-track Recording Studio in historic Manassas, VA, you can now enjoy music from any era on a fabulously clunky tape.

Adopt-a-Freak ($3 + 64 cents shipping*) - Now you can adopt one of the genetic mutants spawned by inbreeding amongst the staff at Zooass! You will receive several digital images of a wonderful ZooFreak and a hand written letter of thanks before we shoot it with an elephant gun.

ZooBooger ($2 + 32 cents shipping*) - While supplies last. Your very own booger picked from the exclusive Zooass nasal snot cultivation plantations. Mounted and signed (not the booger, the paper). Order now before FS eats all of his!

ZooNails ($1 + 32 cents shipping*) - Supplies are limited. Your very own zooass toenail or fingernail clipping! Nice and sharp, perfect to clean your teeth with. Autograph included.

ZooPrincess Lust Letter ($2 + 32 cents shipping*) - Get your very own lust letter written by Vocizilla, the coveted female here at zooass. Sealed with a big wet kiss for your pleasure! Some say if you cut a hole between these lips on paper endless pleasure can be yours.

ZooHair ($1 + 32 cents shipping*) - Well I sure hope there's not a high demand for this because mine's falling out enough as it is. Receive a strand of luxurious ZooHair and an autograph of which one of us jerks it came from. Please specify washed or unwashed, regular or pubic.

Zooass FullMoon Spectacular (Make us an offer!) - An autographed glossy photo of the hairy, zit-covered asses of the staff at Zooass. Limited Edition. Number and signed. A real collector's item!

*Additional charges will apply if you want to insure the package or ship outside the U.S.