"Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" he asked.

The waiter replied,"Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our customers knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The man proceeded to finish his meal and went to pay the waiter. As he paid he commented "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go to the bathroom, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. It is very efficient!"

"Wait a minute," queried the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."