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Destination: The American Dime Museum Synopsis: Relics from sideshows past. Many a wondrous freak! Location: Used to be in Baltimore, but closed in 2007. However, much of the collection can now be seen in Washington, DC at The Palace of Wonders. |
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Zooass Report:
The days of the freakshow may be long gone, but they have not been forgotten. Our unyielding craving for freaks recently brought us to Baltimore's American Dime Museum, and what a find it was! This small venue contains a vast collection of oddities from sideshows and such that are sure to make you chuckle... especially if you are as stoned as we were. Upon entry the friendly curator offered to tell us a little about the joint. "Why not?" thought we. Then... we were trapped. He seemed to speak for an eternity, entrancing us with an endless stream of historical banter. I damn near wet my pants trying to contain my laughter. "And here we have our newest curiosity! Cackling Pee Boy!" Once released from his spiel (hey you get your money's worth), we wandered around the rooms to behold some freaks, oh beautiful freaks! Many eyes were upon us, as was the case with the numerous mutated animals (stuffed not live unfortunately) - calves, cows, geese, you name it! Based on the their shoddy condition, these exhibits have made the rounds. All the better! Other animal oddities include the double-bodied duck and a feathered fish. "No sir! We didn't glue feathers on that fish that's fresh from the sea! And jackalopes and unicorns really do exist!" After perusing a severed hand, fabricated mummies, deformed skulls, devil heads and imp skeletons, we were greeted by life-sized replicas of everyone's favorite freak celebrities like the Elephant Man. Then we came upon perhaps the most ridiculous thing of all... a framed piece of shit. Lincoln's Last Turd it said. "I hereby decree that this turd..." But alas, it was deemed a hoax long ago. "Mermaids" abound in the museum. Not the beautiful temptresses that horny boys and bull dyke bitches dream about (oh Ariel... sweet Ariel!), but real horror show creatures, my droogs. It is amazing to think that the masses once marveled at these skeletal half-fish half-monkey looking things and actually thought they were real! Although the Feejee Mermaid was a fabulous fabrication, my personal favorite was the Squeegee Mermaid, which looked like a deformed fetus that had been dropped from a tall building then wall-mounted trophy style. "Another order of sick and twisted coming right up!"
And around the next corner we have... oh good lord! It's a tank full of snakehead fish! It's a wonder we didn't see any Maryland fishermen hovering above the tank waiting for the catch of the century! We quickly fled from these terrors, passed the two-faced bull, and eyed what seemed to be gnome skins pinned to cotton bug collector style. A unicorn and Sea Worm later, we were out the door and on our way, bidding a fond farewell to our freaky friends. Heads up! The museum is housed in a somewhat seedy neighborhood, so we advise bringing plenty of hand grenades. Keep an eye out for the colorful sideshow banner on the side of the building and you're sure to spot it. If you crave the sheer stupidity that we do, you will have a good time here! PS. We advise that you do not get a haircut next door, as the skills of their so-called "Hair Stylists" are somewhat uncertain. 
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Next we went to a room downstairs, which featured the